Parenting Pathways is supporting parents in the Columbus and Franklin County, Ohio area who are experiencing the Child Services system.
Additionally, we are always happy to provide email support and encouragement to those in other areas. If you would like the support and encouragement of a caring individual or someone who can simply listen and give feedback on your situation, please feel free to
contact us.

 

Cory P.
I am black and my adoptive parents are white. My family consisted of 18 kids of different races, backgrounds and ages when we were adopted. Dennis and Donna Pariseau took all of our troubled pasts and made us a family.

Mom (Donna) gave us the foundation in church and provided us the opportunity for education in a Christian school. Dennis (Dad) gave us his work ethics and skills to go out, work hard and make a living. Parenting, I've learned, is not easy. They did the best they could and shared with us all that God had given them.

God always put people in my life at just the right time to keep me from going over the edge. A best friend, teacher, brother, sister or a word from a Preacher always kept me in line. As I became both an adult and a parent, I was not prepared for the challenges life would present (or so I thought). However, God cleared the way for me to hear his calling once again. I serve him by listening to his will rather than my own. It has never been completely easy.

As a young man and father, the path has not been an easy one at times. In addition to having been in foster care myself when I was a child, my world was turned upside down with confusion at a point in my life where my own kids were placed with Franklin County Childrens Services.

One way I found support in being a single parent was through an organization called Parents Anonymous. I was nominated to their National Parent Leadership Team and served for years, which affords me the opportunity to fly all over the United States to speak to and meet with other parents with the same challenges. Over the years, I have been blessed to go to Washington, DC to talk with Senators, Congressmen and parents about this organization and how I've come to be the person and father I am today.
 

 

The Parenting Pathways program was founded by Rev. Cory P. Pariseau, who is now the Pastor of Crossroads World Christian Center Church and a loving parent to his three wonderful children.

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Karen H.
At about age 12, there were big changes with my oldest daughter. Although feeling "big" to me, these changes were the kind they tell you to expect with your teenagers, things like being much more social, pushing and testing my limits about curfew, lying, etc. Within a couple of years, and much to my horror, she had progressed into skipping school, smoking, drug use, unprotected sex, sneaking out (and sneaking boys in), staying out all night, running away, hanging out with known gang members...and well, I could go on, but I think you get the point.

My experience with the childrens services system began when my daughter was 15 years old. In order to better understand the next statement I make, you'll need to read the background information below. That statement is this: I would NEVER recommend to anyone to file unruly charges against their child, as chances (in my opinion) are about 100% that if your child will be much worse off for it. This is because it puts all the power into your unruly child's hands. An unruly child un their custody is free to come and go as they please unsuperivised while in their custody. It doesn't even matter to them if the child comes back; you're lucky if they even file a police report if it happens often. No one will actively look for the child. And if adults illegally hide them out (harbor them), it's nearly impossible to get them to prosecute it (you as the parent can't if children's services has temporary custody).

Childrens services, as well as the law and other many systems that were supposed to help, failed in our case, much to the detriment of my daughter's life from the time she was 15 until almost 2 years after she was released from prison, at age 19.

She is, at the time of this reporting, back on track and is a productive young citizen trying to get her young life together. But it was a hard road, her maturity delayed much longer than necessary by a system that played into her hands as an unruly child who continuously endangered herself.

I hope to help other parents avoid the mistakes I made by telling a bit of our story here.

By the time my daughter was 15, I had exhausted every means of trying to get help for her that I could think of. I'd called every agency I thought could offer help, non-profits, churches, and for-profit business alike, believing that only a therapeutic, locked down situation would be able to help her at that point. The non-profits all told me they couldn't help until my daughter had a criminal charge (apparently their grant funding and missions are geared to helping kids that have already gone criminal). I applied for loans of up to $30,000 to try and get her into private programs, but could not get approved.

One day, myself, my sister and my daughter went downtown to the Juvenile Court so that I could see what my options were as far as trying to get a criminal charge put on her for being unruly. I was armed with a list of horrifying incidents I'd had with my daughter. I was desperate for help, so I wanted to be sure that bureaucracy did not miss the serious nature of the problems I'd been having with her. It was clear when you saw the escalation of the circumstances on that list, of how great the dangers were that my daughter was exposing herself to. Although testing me pretty good even before, she had just been on the President's Honor Roll a year before, so it was pretty alarming to see the quick and dangerous decline.

At any rate, upon interviewing myself and my daughter, the man set a court date for me. I told him I didn't know yet if I even wanted to press charges against her and that I needed time to think about it. He proceeded to tell me that he had already observed enough conflict between me and my daughter to be convinced that we would be unable to live together and that he would be pressing charges of neglect against me if I did not go forward with the charges against her. I couldn't believe my ears!

Long story made a little shorter: My daughter was adjudicated guilty of being unruly, which, ironically enough, is not a criminal offense (which, as you recall, was a barrier to my getting her help myself prior, and the exclusive reason I ever even went to the courthouse to ask questions in the first place). Where the law is concerned, this is another huge failure of one of the crucial systems that could make a difference in our kids, attributable to conflicting references given in the law. The part everyone adheres to is that you can't lock down a child for being unruly (as long as they don't leave the state - apparently doing that puts them in danger, whereas it's perfectly safe to wander the streets within Ohio!?). They can't really punish them even if, when they leave, they are hanging out with gang members and at drug houses, even if they come into the group home as high as they can be, or even if the girl has snuck boys into the group home and let them live in her room...all of which occurred with my daughter (and oh, so much more).

At first I thought this "group home" might be a good thing. I figured even if it wasn't me teaching her how to do it, at least she'd be forced into schooling and gaining important life skills to be better prepared to live on her own (since she'd made it clear that she was not going to remain in my home), as their program mission declared was their purpose. Turns out, they required nothing of her, enforced no program requirements and allowed her to AWOL for weeks at a time, over and over, many times never notifying me of same or even filing a police report, and returned with no consequences to her.

I was in contact with 2 caseworkers, 2 supervisors and caregivers (2-4 of them daily) trying to get them to help my daughter attend to her schooling, urgent medical needs, requiring her to adhere to their own program standards. ALL along the way I was treated as an abusive, neglectful parent. Everyone approached you that way, so with each person, you'd have to explain your story, explain that wasn't the case. Most would still not believe you, some would, but would explain over and over that the system was taxed and they really weren't set up to handle "these type of kids" and that even if they were, the law was just not on our side. It was such a battle, and so emotionally trying for a parent who, all along, had been trying to do nothing but get some help for her intelligent, but wayward child.

What did they do for her? They simply released her to the streets, as she'd been fighting me for the whole time. She learned to work the system and learned they were not about to give up the big money they get for her being there by kicking her out of their program for non-compliance. I was devastated, but I never gave up. Finally, they made her get her GED and addressed the very urgent medical problems (mostly brought on by her risky behaviors).

At least it was something. That is the sentiment I was left with by the time my daughter finally AWOLed from there for the last time (at age 17), that and a deep feeling of betrayal. I still can't believe the system fails these unruly youth, these near future leaders of our city. It is a shame and a disgrace that these beautiful lives are allowed to be stolen by the streets, and only for the temporary stupidity of youthful indiscretions..

It's a scary prospect, but now I believe that it may have been better for me to use a tough love approach with my daughter. I believe we live in a world with broken systems and many temptations to lure our teens, and many valid reasons for parents to be fearful.

One thing that I have learned the hard way though, is that reacting to your teen out exclusively of fear for their future, is the wrong way to go. If I could do it all over again, I would only react to my daughter out of love. For sure though, I'd never involve the childrens services system, if I had it to do over again.

Having a system she could "work" to the extent that she did to get crucial services only when she felt she needed them definitely hindered her growth. She learned to be a user, a thief and a sneak because of what they allowed her to do, eventually helping to lead her down a quick and sure path to prison. Now, at nearly 20, and having to try and begin to build her life anew, she still doesn't quite "get it", although I see signs here and there of her wanting to, so I consider that hope. I believe that God has a plan for her, and I have faith that He will see it through.
 

 

If you are having problems with your teen or preteen, I completely understand the roller coaster of emotions you are experiencing and the overwhelming obstacles you are up against. My number ONE piece of advice to give you is to take care of yourself first. You're going to be much more stable and able to think clearly if you're giving God, faith and your sanity the number one priority.

In the sanity department, having emotional support from other humans is crucial. I would highly recommend Parenting Pathways meetings and parent mentors as a supportive help for you in a time like this. These are people that have been in your position in dealing with childrens services, and can offer helpful suggestions and insights, or even just an ear to listen, arms to hug, or prayers on your behalf.
 

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You can find an explanation of the services we offer, along with group meeting times and location information and directions here.
 

   

 

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Parenting Pathways is an outreach ministry of Crossroads World Christian Center Church, which is a 501c3 non-profit organization.

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